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Sarah, The Bringer of Tea - On Acceptance
31st December, 2008
02:24 am

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On Acceptance
On Sunday, the_local_echo and I drove over to see my mother and step-father for a post-Christmas lunch. Unfortunately I was just getting the worst of the symptoms of the cold from hell, so I spent much of the afternoon there asleep. Possibly partially as a result, I think my mother was being especially maternal, in the way she's always done when I'm ill.

However, I did notice later in the evening when my stepbrother and his wife came over and introduced me to my new niece (she is so lovely!), that my mother was talking about myself and my brother as babies, and effortlessly getting the pronouns right.

We'd planned to spend the night and leave the next morning. I felt too rough to leave straight away after a restless night, and ended up having a bath there. While I was in the bath, my mother walked into the bathroom and, for the first time, saw me naked with a female body. She didn't miss a beat.

I think she's really accepted, and got used to, the idea that she has a daughter. It feels good.

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From:susannahclark
Date:31st December, 2008 02:47 am (UTC)
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That's lovely, Sarah. And lovely for her too.
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From:parmonster
Date:31st December, 2008 02:56 am (UTC)
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Yay! So glad to hear you had such a nice after-Christmas with your mum (baring your illness)...

In fact, serious kudos to her on the childhood pronouning, that's a tough one to manage even for other trans people talking about someone they knew pretransition. The fact she managed show that she's making an effort and is really invested in getting it right.


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From:scribb1e
Date:31st December, 2008 09:45 am (UTC)
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What is the correct pronouning, out of interest?
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From:auntysarah
Date:31st December, 2008 10:15 am (UTC)
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In my case, "she". If in doubt, always go for the gender identity.
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From:scribb1e
Date:31st December, 2008 02:31 pm (UTC)
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Thanks! That's simple to remember, at least. If you were trying to use different pronouns for different times then it would get really confusing.
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From:auntysarah
Date:31st December, 2008 12:53 pm (UTC)
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serious kudos to her on the childhood pronouning, that's a tough one to manage

Yeah! My brain seems to have gone and retconned all my memories, but I didn't expect anyone else to do that to their memories of me. She was so fluid and natural that it felt like she has though.
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From:jessie_c
Date:31st December, 2008 03:13 am (UTC)
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That's wonderful when it happens : )
From:darwiniangodess
Date:31st December, 2008 03:51 am (UTC)
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That must be an amazing feeling!
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From:vriane
Date:31st December, 2008 04:40 am (UTC)
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That is really nice!
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From:meirion
Date:31st December, 2008 06:15 am (UTC)
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Wow, that sounds really good.
From:aliguine
Date:31st December, 2008 06:21 am (UTC)
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That's kinda cool :) I'm glad she's got used to it all.

Mind you, you must have been taken aback when she barged in on you! :)
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From:auntysarah
Date:31st December, 2008 10:16 am (UTC)
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I did rather have an, "argh! Hide tits! Hide tits!" moment which is strange because:

a) I'm an exhibitionist

b) she gave birth to me
From:aliguine
Date:31st December, 2008 10:22 am (UTC)
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I totally understand, and I'd be the exact same myself. My first thoughts would be that my mom would be mortified and secondly, that she'd feel hurt in some way, esp. that her child is now visibly very different to the one she thought she knew. It's a very stark (if you'll pardon!) way of having her realize that her 'boy' has very much left the building.

(2:30am wanderings. Have you Skype, BTW? Wanna chat?)
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From:auntysarah
Date:31st December, 2008 10:57 am (UTC)
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I have an ancient version of Skype somewhere - LJ chat may be a better option.

My iSight is broken though...
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From:aliguine
Date:31st December, 2008 11:01 am (UTC)
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OOh! Ooh! I just set it up :) I can see you!!
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From:daddysambiguity
Date:31st December, 2008 07:04 am (UTC)
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This is nice. :)
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From:lucian72
Date:31st December, 2008 07:05 am (UTC)

xmas with famly

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It great news it hard to get famly to except your difrent in any way whith me its my polly amery but so far only one famly has not exceped the situation and has band two of us from visiting.huggs
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From:zoefruitcake
Date:31st December, 2008 07:38 am (UTC)
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go your mum! :0)
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From:aesmael
Date:31st December, 2008 07:42 am (UTC)
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Well that's optimistic! Hoping it sticks.
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From:alicephilippa
Date:31st December, 2008 08:07 am (UTC)
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Most excellent. :)
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From:cmcmck
Date:31st December, 2008 08:27 am (UTC)
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Aww! That's a really nice thing to hear. Sorry about your cold though. Glad to hear about the other good news too. Hope you peeps have a nice new year holiday :o)
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From:cyberspice
Date:31st December, 2008 10:04 am (UTC)
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That's lovely :-) I'm glad it went well.

I remember when my parents started getting it right. And for as much as I complain about them they've been brilliant in that respect.

The best thing about your new niece is that she will never know anything than Aunty Sarah. My two nieces are now of an age they're getting talkative and its Aunty Mel this and Aunty Mel that. Its lovely. I am so fond of them...
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From:fyremane
Date:31st December, 2008 10:52 am (UTC)
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wow, sounds great except for the bug that got you down.
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From:julieisfree
Date:31st December, 2008 11:15 am (UTC)
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Oh Sarah! That is so wonderful. Sometimes it seems such a small thing for us to be granted our femininity by others, but it's really not, especially by our mum. That she got all the pronouns right, that she saw and accepted the female you in the flesh (after seeing you all those years the "other" way). That has to do wonderful things for how you feel.

I really liked your mum when I met her. Now I think she's simply the bestest mum in the world (save perhaps Zoe's.. though I haven't met her).
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From:mirabehn
Date:31st December, 2008 11:22 am (UTC)
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Yay. :-)
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From:techiebabe
Date:31st December, 2008 11:23 am (UTC)
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Oh, that's wonderful. Really pleased for you. Well done your mum!
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From:_moggy_
Date:31st December, 2008 11:52 am (UTC)
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Hurrah for your mum.
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From:steerpikelet
Date:31st December, 2008 12:34 pm (UTC)
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bloody fantastic.
Out of interest, how old is your mum? (i.e what kind of generational adjustment are we talking about here?) either way, good for both of you.

(My mother has never granted me my femininity, and I was born with it...)
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From:auntysarah
Date:31st December, 2008 12:49 pm (UTC)
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She was born on VJ-day in 1945.
From:diamondgirldi
Date:31st December, 2008 04:22 pm (UTC)
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Sarah! That is so truly wonderful!!!!
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From:phonemonkey
Date:31st December, 2008 05:39 pm (UTC)
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Excellent.

I don't think my mother would handle seeing me naked at all - she hates tattoos and I never mentioned mine...
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From:misthawk
Date:3rd January, 2009 12:04 pm (UTC)
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That's just so cool. I'm so pleased for you. Love and acceptance from the people you love and value is so important. }:)
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