Sarah, The Bringer of Tea - *sniff*
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07:51 pm
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*sniff*
Just a short update this time - feeling a bit worn out.
Yesterday I developed a stinker of a cold - nose would not stop running, and it's now bright red from being blown constantly. :-(
This morning, things had dried out a bit, so I drugged myself up with paracetemol and decongestant and headed down to my therapy appointment with Dr Demsky. When I got above ground at Earl's Court, I got a voicemail from him saying that he was running late, so I headed round the corner to Starbucks and had a cup of their less than inspiring Earl Grey and browsed the Web for a bit on my phone.
After I finished my tea, I went over the road and waited inside the (not very) Secret Underground HQ of Drs Reid and Curtis. Didn't have too long to wait before Dr Demsky called me in. Didn't talk about much that I haven't already mentioned in my journal, but he helped me get lots of it straight in my head, which is what he's there for, I guess. One observation which did come out is that I seem to have found a metric for my mood by way of my reflection in mirrors. If I'm feeling a bit down and pessimistic, I'll look in a mirror and see a male looking back at me, but when I'm feeling more calm and optimistic about my transition (which seems to be happening more and more now), I look in the mirror and think to myself, "you know, the way things are going, you'll have trouble passing as a boy in a few months", or at the very least, "Crikey woman, you look a wreck" (last night, just before bed, looking a real mess from being ill). That doesn't sound positive, but at least it had the "woman" part. ;-)
One thing I have taken from this is that there's a significant part of me which still regards myself as male, at least subconsciously. It bothers me, but because I'm generally feeling more positive for more of the time, I mostly recognise that there's not much to be done about this, other than just wait. It's natural that 3 decades of conditioning won't vanish from my brain leaving no trace after a few weeks, and it'll never go away completely. However, living permanently as a woman does deny that conditioning any reinforcement, and the changes to my body can only help that. SRS should represent, if not the final nail in that coffin, a very large amount of closure at the very least, but that's at least a year away at present.
Oh yes, and speaking of changes to my body - I have breasts! They're really, really small at the moment, but they're definitely there, and growing. I can feel them behind the nipples - a harder mass than the surrounding tissue, about the size of a small coin, with the left one being slightly more developed. That more than compensates for the cold. :-)
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| | Ta! Since I'm allowing myself a bit of alcohol again, I might take a bit of medicinal Bowmore a little later. ;-) Hope you feel better soon. And it feels slightly odd to say this, but Yay For Breasts! :-) Thanks - I'll just blast it into submission with drugs and comfort eating.
And it feels slightly odd to say this, but Yay For Breasts! :-)
It's the sort of thing one expects to hear in a BBC3 sitcom, don't you think?
I'm having visions now of someone running round the market square shouting, "Yay For Breasts!". :-) ![[User Picture]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/102854833/1007247) | | From: | ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=91.7) wendles |
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| Date: | 26th January, 2006 10:07 am (UTC) |
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Surely it it's a British sitcom it should be "Hurrah for boobies!"? Wot They Said about Get Well Soon.
I gather that women's left breasts tend to be slightly larger than their right. Mine is. Most of my schoolfriends' are. Go you- you're completely normal *g* pity I can't give you some of my spare mammary tissue!
BTW as soon as they get big enough for a bra, treat yourself to a proper fitting at Rigby and Peller. They are well known for fitting larger sizes but also any non-standard sizes, and you won't be the first looking for a nice bra for smaller sizes, I'd imagine. That's worth knowing. At the moment, it looks like the first bra I need for my real breasts (alreay using a bra to hold my prosthetics in place) will need to be something around a 36 A, but I suspect the cups aren't going to be in quite the right place for my body shape. The oestrogen has a lot still to do though, so time will tell. I'll definitely need at least one proper fitting, and probably more than that as they grow. I suspect the cups aren't going to be in quite the right place for my body shape
Not sure I follow? (If you have problems with it I'm bound to have worse problems, because you're much thinner than me!) At the moment, with a bra that fits properly around my ribcage (34-36), the cups seem to be spaced mostly too close together, such that my nipples are almost up at where the straps join. Not sure if this will remain the case as things develop though. In fact, it occurs that my thinness is working against me here. The size of bra that I'd need for the nipples to be anything like central in the cups would result in a band that's slack. yay for breasts!
that's a phrase I never thought I'd type ;0) |
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